5 Minutes on Creating Belonging on Your Team

Belonging is at the heart of all the good “things” that help teams. 

Belonging is at the core of psychological safety. It’s the foundation of each team member showing up with their full selves and bringing all of their gifts. Belonging is a deep human need. 

But what does “belonging” really mean? 

I like the definition presented by Susie Wise in her book, Design for Belonging: How to build inclusion and collaboration in your communities.  

“Belonging helps us to be fully human. It gives us permission to share our talents and express our life force. It enables cooperation, collaboration, and the ability to work across difference. It emboldens our creativity and our problem-solving abilities. When people feel like they belong, they are able to be their best and do their best.”

Yes to all of this (wordy) definition!

This is why it’s so important for leaders to attend to belonging. From onboarding to ongoing intentions with our teams, belonging has an important role to play. 

It’s also helpful to pause and consider what sits opposite of belonging. According to the Othering and Belonging Institute, at the opposite of belonging is othering: 

"The opposite of belonging is othering… A set of dynamics, processes, and structures that engender marginality and persistent inequality across any of the full range of human differences based on group identities. In opposition to belonging, othering is a frame that captures the many forms of prejudice and persistent marginality such as race, gender, sexuality, religion, income, and disability. The term also explains and analyzes a set of common policies and practices that engender othering.” 

But how do we cultivate and support belonging? How do we watch out for and discourage othering? 

Let’s start by finding them in our bodies.

Start by just taking a pause, a breath, and notice first consider a time you felt “othered.” What did it feel like in your body? What feelings came with it? What was the narrative you told yourself?

Now shake that off, take another pause and feel into a time you really felt you belonged to someone or a group. What did it feel like in your body? What feelings came with it? What would be the first words you would share describing the experience?

Can you start to get a sense of how important belonging is to our work? And how detrimental othering can be? 

Leadership is about setting the conditions so that everyone we work with feels a sense of belonging. So that everyone feels connected. 

And in this leadership we need to be aware of the systems and contexts that impact belonging and othering. That way we can be mindful and attentive to the belonging we are trying to cultivate. 

Let’s get more specific and consider teams. 

Here are three ways to strengthen belonging on a team: 

1. Take time to know each other.‍ ‍
   
   This can feel like extra or something there’s not time for, but belonging requires us to allow connections to build organically. How can you allow space for this? How can you invite, but not force, people to share? How can you be curious about each other? 
   

2. Focus on conversations and dialogue.
   
   Teams should learn about practice conversations and dialogue that include deep listening and asking open-ended questions. As Peter Block says in his book, In Community: Structure of Belonging, focus on conversations where the following is true:
   
   - Diversity of thinking and dissent are given space
   
   - Commitments are made without barter
   
   - The gifts of each person and our community [team] are acknowledged and valued
   

3. Understand your team culture.‍ ‍
   
   As a team, examine the invisible dynamics and patterns that create your culture. All systems, including teams, are made of simple rules that impact how the group is together. What are the implicit rules on your team? Which ones help belonging? And which ones hurt belonging? What new rules could you create to help foster belonging?
   
   Use these questions from adrienne maree brown, in her book Holding Change, to help your team reflect:
   
   - How do we want to feel in the space between us?
   - How do we know where we belong?
   - What is our legacy?
   - How do we know we are safe with each other?

Take a minute for a gut check. 

How is the sense of belonging on your team? 

What’s one step you can take to keep building belonging?